the paradox that life is like a bed of roses

Thursday, January 12 Y 1/12/2006 01:20:00 am

right. n dis goes to yanni.
i did pm u at msn.
but since u're not replying.
read dis.

"sometimes e ppl whom u think u could at least turn to..
think e otherwise too. so much for being understanding."

referin to u? emm. not quite.
but i would consider.
how cold i've been treatin u since dat convo..?
i hate u?
well. let's just see.
e convo was on monday. tt makes it 4 days ago.
within this 4 days.
i did reply to ur msn msgs.
besides tt i didnt call or sms.
emm. i dunch c any coldness frm this.
we didnt sms or call each other even before this.
besides e ajak lepak n go bugis.
e only thing tt i tink was upsetting to u..
was declining the invitation to go to queenz this sat.
tt's all.

did i said i blamed u?
well like i said. it's up to u to think tt way.
'u think, ppl think. i can't possibly stop them from having dis mindset.'
rmmbr this?
well. all i can say is that i have been disappointed.
that's it. i bear no grudges towards u.

im not tryin to misunderstand u.
rmmbr wat i said to u mths back.
regarding e contradictin issue.
'not to base ur judgements on just wat u see'
it happens to u n apit doesnt it?
n how does it feel wen ppl think e otherwise?

i dun dislike u for wat u said to me.
that's just e way u are.
i noe tt u're straightforward.
wen u're angry or down. u spit things out.
but the thing about u ..
u easily get angry n down.

in e past wen u ppl said u pretend to like nana n stuffs.(sorry nana)
n u went out, talk, take pics n stuffs. was i so upset or mad abt it?

rmmbr abt e fira thingy.
just becos of a stupid pic n a mere convo on make-ups.
u assumed so many things abt me n yani.
n ur sis said u were so upset wit us bcos of it..
n u started to blogg abt hu ur true frens are..
hu are e hypocrites.. wat abt all this.

spare a thot for u? i did.
yani n i cancelled our plans to ask fira to do our make-ups.
n did we layan her after tt? no.
n wen u had problems n stuffs.
had i never understand u?
i tried to b there for most of our outings.
even to tamp.
n for ur bdae.. i did wanna go. but it was e rest hu cudnt come.

among e ladies. u were like e closest to me.
n how much effort u've made for my birthdae.
how cud u possibly assume tt i hate u?

right i cant stop u from thinking tt way.
but despite our closeness.
u noe how i feel wen i hear such stuffs n get e blamings.
so cant u like put aside n keep those thought of urs.
n kindly ask me n wan for e truth instead.

abt wan n rev. yes it doesnt concerns u.
it doesnt concerns me either.
but i dunch understand y ppl haveto b so shallow minded n think e otherwise.
watever he does.. its forever me to b blamed.
he doesnt club, drink, turn up for meetings, lepaks, functions n im blamed.
he wants to go home early or came late. im blamed.

how e hell is he supposed to b so intrested if u ppl have dis mindset.
wud u be pleased wen ppl blame ur gf for wat u did?
n wud u b more willing n intrested to commit?
is he so perfect tt watever wrong he does..u tink its not his fault at all.
n now he's quitting im blamed.
its forever me me me me me!

so dunch tell me i dun have e right to b disappointed wen u think tt way.

im just disappointed. period.
i dunch hate u n neither am i trying to ignore u.
so geddit right 1st before u simply spit things out.

as for e sickening ppl hu kept blaming me.
keep ur filthy mouth shut.
n i am gonna get hazwan to spit out everything.
since it's so difficult for him to speak up to u shit heads.
i hope he'll at least blog instead.

as for yanni again.
it's up to u to think e otherwise.
im not angry or mad or damn upset wit u.
im just bloody disappointed.
i dun hate u.
i apologise if my entry is harsh.
but im being true.

n yes. im not joining u to queenz.
im sorry. its not becos of dis.
n i have my reasons.
n u cant expect me to go each time u ask right.
but i'll consider. like i said b4.

abt e la chicqa dolls.
im gonna b honest.
u just look at e way we are.
we are just startin afresh.
trying to fix relations wit one another.
still not e full trust n understanding.
n ana n yani always m-i-a.
kdg2 nk contact susa nk mampos.
so y shud i b proud?
y shud u b proud too?

u said our friendship was meant to last durin those times.
may i noe y?
prolly no commitments.
even thou we seldom meet. we were happy arent we?
think abt it pls.
im not thinkin negative.
but i want e best for us.
n for a start. we shud start things slow.
tt's all. not trying to protest.

-------------------------------end------------------------------------

mitin rikky later.
going to novena.
applying for novena's cold storage instead.
btw. thanks ya erma! hee.
we mite be trying centrepoint one also.
right. wish me luck.

im missin bunny.

oh yea. wan just got his bike back.
i mean repaired.
finally after like almost a month. hahs.
we chilled at kedai kopi yest.
n paris joined us! hahas!
crazy idea tk?
but hazwan was e one hu invited him to join us
so he agreed.
n we chat alot. so i guess thy're frens now.
no more hard feelings~
i loike~
lalalalala...

n hazwan for goodness sake!
do me a favour by updating ur blog!
i have changed ur layout!
so now it's ur bloody turn to blog!
go!

hahas pardon me for e huge fonts.
dis is to make sure he sees this.
n geddit in his thick bushy head. hahs.